I AM NOT MY MIND

Born into a world, innocent and free

every experience carved into my brain

conditioned, educated, influenced, persuaded

now I do not know who I am

each acceptance of me a worldly lie

based on a face the world wants to see

inner screams, but this isn’t me!

Turmoil unravels at lightning speed

blood flows fast through capillaries

flushing the surface mind 

others think is me

the iceberg revealed, under the ocean

deeper mind stable, solid foundation

who I am is not what’s before them

My mind isn’t from

the teachings of books

nor how presented parts of me look

the me no one else can see

lies buried inside, below the labyrinth,

pure fire of truth in a sacred space

eternal flame, where heart Knows who I am

My sanctuary, restful, peaceful

protects from a world destroying souls

with cruel psychological, mental goals

erasing conditioned and influenced mind

brings flashes of light

simple, yet feared

stillness reveals the deep mind revered

Gone the mind society wanted

real mind transformed, transplanted

Uncovering true mind, 

not the scam

through darkened hours to blinding light

journey tough, challenging fight

stillness became my friend

Crippled surface mind now healed

learned its place, gave up controlling a hellish mind

heart joined head in loving unison

surface mind not lost, lonely

now certain, fearless, strong, whole

mission unfolding to serve, contribute

the deep Knowing mind directs who I am.

ABOUT THE POEM: Our minds are complex because we are part of a collective mind which influences us constantly. From birth to death, we have to learn to filter our experiences and use them to help others. However dark our lives are, or have been, if we hold onto our inner light, we can become who we truly are and stand strong within this world. It takes courage and focus to still a complex mind intent on dragging us down, but it is not impossible. This poem is a reminder of our true mind that loves, protects, and guides us if we will only still our surface chatter and hear.



NO MANS LAND

Chronic Fatigue is that all it is? Named disease, total misnomer

bedbound, housebound, never more, outward bound.

hidden inside, invisible outside, exhausted, depressed, cramps

nerves fired; others say - they are tired 

little do they understand, complete fatigue, no man’s land.

Restless nights, suffering days, unable to walk, mobility aids

standing, seconds later, jelly legs, giving way

spasms, sweats, flushes, dizzy, pain all over, blood rushing

must sit down, must raise legs, today must stay in bed

noise, lights, cannot cope, conversation, no hope, M.E. no man’s land. 

Phone call, not a chance, head and body in chaos of biology, physiology

digestive syndromes, red eye blurred, pained, irritable, anxious

words won’t come, memories gone, 

not even tests, investigations, scopes nor scans   

help medics understand, M.E no man’s land.

Social life, you are joking, shower, travel, major undertaking

energy to even eat, wash, dress, stay in - best thing

confined in bedroom, isolation now the inspiration     

computer, TV, just a little, too much tech a danger zone

flip, flare, body wreck, pacing, never racing, M.E no man’s land.

Deep inside, finding freedom, 

no one Knows, the infinite web

place of light, inner peace, creative sparks, love unleashed

powerful words, art, songs, poetry speak, writing flowing

Maybe someone will understand, M.E no man’s land.

ABOUT THE POEM: How the disease M.E/CFS affects the mind, body, spirit in so many ways, losing all of who you are is like little deaths each day. Few understand the devastation of the illness but out of the negatives can come positives.

IDEALISM

I wanted her to be the sweet, perfect mother - If only

He was to me the most loving father - If only

My childhood didn’t seem so bad - If only

Money would make my life complete - If only

Dreams fulfilled, icing on the cake - If only

A world in peace, more loving, more caring - If only

No violence, no killing, no reasons for crime - If only

All living creatures honoured and loved - If only

Human kindness prevailing - If only

Our beautiful planet flourishing - If only

Living simply, united, sharing - If only

Accepting reality, creating a new future - If only

ABOUT THE POEM: Looking back across my life and the bigger picture, it seems idealism fails us. The ability of humans to harm, abuse and destroy life of any kind in our world brings me to tears, affecting my mental health more than anything. ‘If only’ refers to all the possible scenarios and letting go of idealism, accepting my reality, and where we are collectively with an uncertain future.

ABOUT HILARY

“My background in Complementary Medicine led me to focus on helping people with Distant Healing & Spiritual Teaching which is now being expressed through writing. Over the years I have been drawn to mental health issues after experiencing emotional/mental neglect from my mother, living with M.E., an isolating illness, and then the suicide of my younger brother in 2023. Sometimes I draw upon the experiences of past clients in my poetry, but primarily our planetary situation troubles me deeply, so I explore the connection of mental health and spirituality too.”

E: hilarycanto@protonmail.com