Featured Poet - Jared Klemm

FIVE FEET

Five feet never felt so far

Until it was the distance

Between me and my body

Sitting in that tan woven chair

The one by the window

that I had made a home in

Week after week for a few months

And for many more months to follow

you and i discussed the ways in which 

People can be taken advantage of

In more ways than one

And the confusion that often surrounds

Consent and mutual understanding

When forced to confront it

my mind was ready

But my body was not

And so

They split

Like two boys who just started

An innocent game of tag

In the schoolyard

With my eyes closed

Focusing intently on my past

My present became all too painful

And disjointed, unstable

If this had been the first time

That I had ever felt separated from myself

Then I would have been more scared than I was

But I had mentally been outside myself

Standing at the front of a classroom

Or absorbing the opinion of a pastor

For many years in the mountains of my youth

With this moment being the most tangible of them all

The pinnacle of my self-dissociation

As I floated there

Looking down upon myself

Sensing my physical form in the chair

And you across the office

On the couch with your notepad

And calming words

I slowly descended 

Inch by inch

A hot air balloon

Slowly letting out steam

Until its riders land safely again

On familiar ground

As I opened my eyes

And pulled my breath back in

I knew that i would be okay

ABOUT THE POEM: 'Five Feet' about a real out-of-body experience that I had early on in my therapy journey. I was in EMDR therapy for a year and a half, where I had begun to process traumatic experiences from my past. That period of time completely changed the trajectory of my life and my relationship to myself, and I am forever thankful for taking that step towards understanding my past.

BRAIN ON FIRE

It started near the ridgeline

Far off from the edges of the places

Where I used to feel safe

Unaware of what lurked beyond

Then the flames slowly crept in

Like lava spreading out

Crawling from its origins deep within the Earth

A once faint glow now became a raging roar

Engulfing anything beautiful in its wake

Turning green to gray and red

The fire fell into the canyons and crevasses

Filling those up with their complicated emotions

And their reasons for cataclysmic change

Ones that I didn’t understand

It took me years to see

That the purging had a purpose

That the melting had a meaning

FIre is not at fault

For its all-consuming nature

It doesn’t choose

To scorch the wildflowers

To choke the pine trees

But it hurts nonetheless

My brain on fire

Consumed me

But made me anew

Laying in the ashfields

I began to grow again

New blossoms and saplings

Sprouting

Finding safe places to send my roots deep

And my branches skyward

ABOUT THE POEM: 'Brain On Fire' speaks of new growth after devastation. I moved to Montana last year, and had never really seen the effect of forest fires in its fullness before. I used fire as a metaphor for cleansing and purging one’s mind, and the difficulty but necessity of that process.

THIS IS WHAT A GOOD BODY LOOKS LIKE

I used to want to burn these tree trunks

To the ground

With the scorching wildfire within me

Down into an emaciated forest starving for a new start

The foundation upon which I am built

Thinking that twigs would prove that I had potential

That I could break myself down and regrow my roots

All on my own

But I slowly learned

That the wisdom and strength that came with each growth ring

Displaying the seasons through which I endured

And flourished into a forest

Were beautifully imperfect

That lumberjacks 

With their axes of insults

And their implications that “This is what a good body looks like”

Can’t cut me down

That I am the one who decides

The love and nourishment that my tree trunks receive

I will grow this forest

Into a National Park

ABOUT THE POEM: 'This Is What A Good Body Looks Like' details my personal struggle with eating disorders and body dysmorphia. In high school I struggled with anorexia, but I am doing much better after therapy and healing. This poem is a reminder that we are the ones who decide what our bodies represent for us, and our own relationship with them. I started weight lifting in college, which has provided me with a new arena for engaging with my body in a positive way, something I carry through to this day.

A JOURNEY THROUGH A CANYON

i had some idea 

about how far removed i was 

from myself

but didn’t fully grasp 

the extent of my disconnect

until i sat in that fated chair

across from you on the couch

Slowly, over time

My responses morphed from

“Oh, I’m fine”

Into moments of true reflection

And deep thought in a safe space

When you asked me how my week was

you reached down through the fog

and knew

that i would be okay

that i was always okay

i just had to see it for myself

and you 

my fearless guide

walked with me

hand in hand

through the deepest crevasses

the most winding canyons

Of my mind

to arrive here

at the overlook 

where we can gaze back

upon our journey 

and see 

just how far we’ve come

how far our legs carried us 

You barefoot and with a cup of hot tea

And me with sandals and an oversized T-shirt

Both comfortable

And content

With knowing each other

A little bit more

With each visit we take

Into the fog

ABOUT THE POEM: 'A Journey Through A Canyon' is sort of a thank you to my EMDR therapist for creating a safe space for me to explore my emotions and life experiences, and helping me to make sense of it all.

FORGIVE ME FOR HOW I SPEAK

Forgive me

For how I speak about Jared

I was never taught to see him

As innately good or kind

His body broken

And his mind a mess

Needing to be constantly cleaned up

Or contained

By someone better than he

As he aged

And evolved from a puddle

Into an ocean

He became afraid of his own depths

Of what lurked in the deepest waters

And in his own Mariana Trenches

Blue became his favorite color

Sharks became his greatest fear

Drowning within himself became a real threat

Sunburn became his favorite pain

Peeling back layers lost to the solar flares

And finding more of himself in the process

As I sit here on the shoreline

In the purple morning glow

I can begin to see him

Moments of him 

At the Outer Banks

Chasing his dreams on the sand dunes

Flying kites in the roaring winds

The seashells teach him to be patient

And to search with intent

To speak with purpose

And to listen with an open heart

Forgive me

For how I speak about Jared

I am just now truly meeting him

For the first time

ABOUT THE POEM: My favorite poem I have ever written is 'Forgive Me For How I Speak.' It is by far the kindest I have ever been to myself in word format, and I often return to these words when I catch myself being overly self-critical. For a large part of my life, I felt so disconnected from myself, due to being raised in a conservative religious community and grappling with my identity as a gay man within that context. The poem recounts memories from my childhood and where I stand today.

MAYFLOWER

A new pastor’s words

Carefully crafted

Authentically articulated

Can cauterize the wounds

Inflicted by a previous one

The passive-aggression of an uncle

The silent stares of a grandfather

The conditional acceptance of a mother

Vanished in that sanctuary that morning

As the tears crawled from the corners of my eyes

Held captive for far too long in shame

Afraid to sit shackled to a church pew again

To hear that I am an extension

Not a perversion

Of God’s gift of love

From the mouth a person

So historically hateful

Heals

And reveals

The truth I’ve known deep down on my own

That I am exactly who I was made to be

ABOUT THE POEM: 'Mayflower' is the name of a church that I attended for the first time in years after stepping away from organized Christianity for a period of time in my early adulthood. The pastor spoke during Pride Month and how God created all of us in His image, a message that I had never received from a pulpit. I cried during that service and wrote this on the way home, feeling my identities and religion finally align and be affirmed through God from a pastor.

The above poems taken from Jared's first book titled: CEREBRIA, a pseudo-conceptual story that follows a main character through his own journey of self-dissociation and coming into himself.