ISBN: 979-8892981897

SELF-LOVE

Self-love is being my own best friend 

Self-love is trusting myself in the end 

Self-love is loving myself first

Before I love everybody else

Self-love is not degrading myself 

Self-love is learning to do the inner work 

Self-love consoles me like a brother

Self-love is not misdirected 

Self-love is waiting for me to step into my healing 

Self-love doesn’t attempt to kill me 

Self-love taught me resentment no longer serves me 

Resentment no longer OWNS ME

Self-love taught me to be still and wait on God 

Self-love doesn’t bring me near a rope

Or calls himself false hope

Self-love sees his life from a different scope 

Self-love told me to “keep breaking mental barriers”

Self-love told me to “stop being my own barrier” 

Self-love I used to have respect for 

It told me I wasn’t worth fighting for 

It’s like a tug of war to find the words to say 

To myself when I wanted to be six feet under graves 

Self-love was cliché—believing it was doing more for me 

Than I could ever do for myself 

Self-love is walking into a room

And knowing I serve a purpose 

Self-love is staring in the mirror, smiling to myself

and not calling myself “worthless”

Self-love is picking up shattered pieces 

And creating something beautiful 

Self-love is knowing that every hardship made a difference 

Self-love doesn’t keep me bed bound for months 

Self-love is patching mental scars 

Realizing who I am 

Self-love is about knowing where I stand

In times of turmoil 

Self-love taught me to be here for my family and legacy 

Self-love taught me to fight those inner demons

Self-love doesn’t remain isolated in a dark room 

For hours at a time

Self-love realizes he is someone’s LIFELINE

Self-love is protecting my inner peace at all costs 

Self-love is talking highly of myself 

Especially when no one is watching 

Self-love is not being fearful to call for help

Self-love doesn’t think he’s less of a man if he calls for help 

Self-love is loving the man in the mirror 

Self-love is walking with my head held high 

Self-love doesn’t compare himself to others 

Self-love doesn’t think he’s the biggest mistake

Self-love doesn’t place his worth on the highest shelf 

Self-love reminds him of his potential 

Self-love found faith in himself 

Self-love doesn’t off himself 

Self-love is not playing the victim 

Self-love is knowing I write the script 

Self-love doesn’t clutch blades toward his wrists 

Self-love reminds me I’m STILL WORTH IT 

Self-love told me to keep holding on 

Self-love tells me I STILL BELONG

MY STORY HAS POWER

My story has power

More power than I ever knew

Who would buy into my narrative?

Without the slightest DIG?

Knees shaking to share my story 

There’s a stigma with men sharing their “victim stories”

Lost in mental abuse, I need a tour guide 

To navigate narcissism, I nearly died inside 

As I ruminated 

Fire from my earlobes, I grew frustrated 

How could a mentor devalue my manhood?

How did a mentor get me questioning my own manhood?

Faith hanging by a thread 

I am on the mend 

My desire to give up on my story before I even speak 

I have more class: No audio tape LEAK 

If my story is meant to heal another, why did I let it die in me?

If my story is meant to save another, why did I let it die in me?

Was I selfish by keeping my story to myself?

There’s a stigma around men sharing their mental health

There’s a stigma around men’s “masculinity”

It is my responsibility 

To embrace my story with open arms 

My story allows others to FIGHT FOR A HIGHER CAUSE

God has an intention for everyone 

My story has a voice 

If I choose to MUTE IT, that was MY CHOICE

I HAVE OVERCOME

Realize the hope God placed back into my eyes 

The same hope stopped me from committing suicide 

The same hope disconnected your watered lies 

The same hope made me cut ties 

With the abuser, cuz I am a producer 

Of the story I now orchestrate 

To show others: embrace your stories deep within 

Regardless of the trial, life’s not so dim 

Darkness has no place here 

Only A STEPPING STONE to how I GOT HERE 

God never granted me a spirit of fear 

My story belongs HERE

I’m done running from my story 

My story is used for God’s glory

I’m done running from my story 

That was the OLD ME 

I thank you for molding a new mantra in my life

It’s okay to live in strife and use it for healing tonight

I thank you for mental abuse 

It gave others a VOICE—I never knew it could do

REAL MEN CRY 

Sometimes I wonder why I even try

Closed my mouth to stop my shrill cries

So my sister doesn’t hear me slowly die 

In a narrative I created; never took captive of my mind

Set in the web of lies, you enticed me 

To believe I was worth more dead than in my calling 

I was taught to sulk in my misery and “let it go”

And just go with the flow 

Only dead fish go with the flow 

I wish I could prevent myself from self-harm 

My eyes read “988” but my soul tells me 

That my integrity is hanging onto broken faith 

Never desired for my family 

And friends to witness me this low 

Presumed less of a man if I let a tear show 

Depression was not a button that I chose

To press on myself 

Inflicted self-abuse

Praying I was someone else 

Who had it “all together” but that’s just bull 

Dark shades hide all of my insecurities 

Lost my identity—wasn’t a best friend to me 

Felt like a casualty at war with the man 

In the mirror but “no one truly understands”

How it feels to drag yourself out of bed 

Wearing masks like it was a part of my makeup

At times, didn’t want to press SEND

On a text—no desire to wake up 

From their pretentious labels 

I REFUSE TO BE VICTIMIZED BY THEIR FALSE LABELS

It’s time to end the stigma of keeping it all inside

I’m no longer fearful of the “B” word; it’s fine 

To shed my emotions; I am not exempt 

From human, no longer resent 

Sharing my story with others 

And how it helped me RECOVER 

From mental abuse 

No longer equate tears with a lack of validation 

No longer equate fears with affirmation 

If I choose to not speak, I LOSE

The war for all the men who fight silent battles 

I challenge all men to seek therapy 

I remind you, you are not less of a man 

If you choose to reclaim power that belongs in your hands

Don’t die with your story; please seek out a mentor 

Seek out anyone to keep you from going under

This ain’t just another lecture 

Real men cry and we never surrender 

I FORGIVE YOU (FOR ME) 

Resented the mental abuse you imposed for months at a time 

Through a Zoom screen—couldn’t look into your menacing eyes 

Reminisced—your countless attempts to dehumanize me 

Would popping these pills “humanize me”?

Delusional to think you’d offer ME space? 

Did I forget the times YOU HELD space?

I forgot to keep account 

Of all the moments after hours—inner demons—unannounced 

Lying in bed with me— 

They love to play with my

Head—ing into another downward spiral 

If I share my demons, you call me “COWARD”

Or a FLOWER

Could you once in your life SHOWER

Me with grace, affection, and affirmations 

Without allowing me to be in cohorts with REJECTION? 

You say things for my “protection”

In actuality, it was unresolved “PROJECTION”

I’m not proud of what you said to me 

Mentors shouldn’t say, “I don’t know what’s in your head”

When I wanted to drop dead

Let’s erase the sentence from my head 

Knowing some people’s lives were on the ledge 

From mental abuse—and told to play “pretend”

Not to lend an ear to another person 

Who navigated those same demons 

Here for more REASONS than you can count

I’m not a silent person—YOU GONNA HEAR MY MOUTH 

Not the way you expected 

I forgive you (for me)—your projection 

I forgive you (for me)—life’s a hard knock of lessons 

I forgive you (for me)—then and in the PRESENT 

I forgive you for the soaked pillows 

I forgive you for nearly jumping out my window 

I forgive you for allowing my story to have WINGS

I forgive you for conditioning me for all life’s sufferings

I forgive you for being human 

I forgive you—for transforming me into a student 

I forgive you for gaslighting 

I forgive you for 

Mental abuse that you imposed in my face 

I thank my friend, EB, for wiping my tears

Through a Zoom screen 

Your warm presence is felt—when life gave me welts

Inherited a stronger stance 

Inherited slow to react 

Inherited EMPATHY from you 

Inherited “I WILL NOT TOLERATE MENTAL ABUSE”

Grudges are for children, and I’m far too grown 

Vendettas are like loans

To PAY BACK IN MENTAL CAPACITY 

You’re not even worth my mental energy

YOU WERE NEVER WORTH MY MENTAL ENERGY 

I forgive you for my self-worth and rediscovery 

I forgive you—because mental abuse was my recovery 

I forgive you because HEALING IS MY MASTER KEY

My faith is not in shackles 

I forgive you for the uphill battles 

I thank you for reminding me of the worth in me 

I forgive you because inner healing BELONGS TO ME

I CHOOSE ME

I choose me, regardless of your validation

I choose me, just with a little patience 

I choose me, not a cemetery 

I choose me when it wasn’t “hereditary”

I choose me, sparring with inner demons 

I choose me; this is healing season 

I choose me; I am here for reason 

I choose me, even with shallow breathing 

I choose me; my mental health in a vice grip 

I choose me—someone’s here cuz I never forfeit

I choose me and that’s okay to say 

I choose me when my days are gray 

I choose me and my restored faith 

I choose me; I am no mistake 

I choose me to find solace in the gifts God created

I choose me; my dreams have not faded 

I choose me to love again 

I choose me, not these vices again 

I choose me; no isolation 

I choose me and I AIN’T FAKIN’

I choose me on these stages 

I choose me and DON’T CARE WHAT THEY SAYIN’

I choose me, the voice of reason 

I choose me; someone needs uplifting 

I choose me to break free from mental chains 

I choose me; I AM ORDAINED and I hold the reins 

I choose me—your words had my head in a guillotine 

I choose me; I will achieve 

I choose me; you don’t like that on your “feed”

I choose me; there’s a reason why I breathe 

I choose me to be here for my family 

I choose me; I became my own battery 

I choose me, my most prized possession 

I choose me, no more deadly weapons

I choose me, the healed me 

I choose me, the no vendetta me 

I choose me, the affirmation type 

I choose me as I take back my life 

I choose me; I owe me 

I choose me and my empowering testimony 

I choose me, even when you don’t pray for me 

I choose me regardless if you prey on me 

I choose me; I know what I offer me 

I choose me and my destiny 

I choose me and my legacy 

I choose me, not suicidal 

I choose me and my revival 

I choose me; it became my remedy 

I choose me because we are not compatible 

I choose me cuz I don’t live on broken avenue

I choose me as “selfish” as it seems 

I choose me cuz someone’s living through my suffering 

YOU CAN’T DEVALUE ME WITHOUT MY CONSENT

Mentors are meant to empower and never impose 

Their past traumas 

As I desired to tote llamas 

At my own cranium 

“I’m sorry you felt that way”

Accepted for too long

How your words left mental scars 

Never felt replenished

No mortal kombat, thought I was FINISHED

How could I love myself with your conditions?

How can I take ownership for something I never finished?

Bars in my peripheral, PRISON

Am I sentenced to the VICTIM

Always the puppet, recite a new rendition 

Like the VICTOR 

Give me power or be subjected to the “system”

Of allowing words to dictate my worth?

Faith, six feet buried under brown dirt 

Passing controllers to CEOs 

Like they were the ones in full control 

I was the one 

With the controller all along

Blinded by the gaslighting and mental fog 

With the slight inclination that I don’t belong 

I stand corrected 

To adhere to a righteous message 

To adore me 

Mental abuse ain’t my lawyer—DON’T SPEAK FOR ME 

If I give you consent, I am at fault 

It’s no time to point and shame 

Me for what I never knew until now 

YOU CAN’T DEVALUE ME WITHOUT MY CONSENT NOW