Featured Poet -  Lewie Gentilella

LONDON TO BEDFORD

Overhead lights blinding

Eyes pinballing around the carriage

A million voices echoing

Hyenas cackling in the background

Skin on fire

Stomach tied in knots

Sweaty armpits

Clammy palms

Mind racing

A deer trapped in headlights

Frozen stiff

Unable to move

An overbearing smell of body odour lingers

A poison to my olfactory system

I dissolve into a corner 

Hoping no one will notice me

Desperately trying not to make eye contact

Otherwise, they will know

Know what?

Know that I'm 'different'

Know that I'm 'weird'

Know that I'm vulnerable

Anxiety strangles me

A snake wrapped tight around its prey

Struggling to breathe

Struggling to cope

Is anybody out there?

Anybody who understands?

Anybody who cares?

Far from home

Feeling all alone

In need of help

In need of care

In need of love

Before I implode

The train finally stops!

Thank God!

And like a herd of wilder beast on a mass migration

Everyone empties at once

Boxed in

STUCK

Looking for a way out

But with nowhere to go

Clenching my teeth and fists

I grin and bear it

Carrying on uncomfortably

Trying to fit in

Hearing a thousand footsteps surrounding me

Pounding the pavement

A violent stampede

Heavy breathing felt either side of me

I'm exhausted and ready to give up

Until suddenly

I see the station exit up ahead

I'm nearly there

Just one more push

Now I'm finally free!

THE MASK

Struggling to get out of bed

A lack of motivation

And a banging head

It's been years of living this hell

Putting on a mask

The one that's served me ‘oh’ so well

For all these years

My 'normal' mask

It hides all my fears

My alter ego, worthy of an Oscar

An actor and entertainer

The famous imposter

Dedicated to reciting his lines

Perfecting his craft

He's rehearsed this over a thousand times

The show begins

Playing the lead role

He helps to hide all manner of stims

Yet underneath

I'm hyper vigilant

Stressed and grinding teeth

My eyes dart around the room

Feeling anxious

With a sense of impending doom

The lights all blur into one

A tunnel of illumination

All I want to do is run

Hoping they won't catch me out

I sit at my desk

Wanting to scream and shout

Trying hard not to let the mask slip

Can't let them see the real me

But all the voices make me want to flip

Nervously bouncing my leg under the table

Subtly rocking back and forth

I don't want people to give me a label

Finally, I take off the mask

Exhausted and burnt out

Pretending all day is a tiresome task.

Tomorrow, I must do it all over again

But the show must go on

Until I don't know when.

THE HOMELESS AT CHRISTMAS

If you are with loved ones on Christmas day

With somewhere warm and cozy to stay

Spare a thought for the homeless tramp

Who must stay outside in the cold, wet damp

With no place to call home

Only pavement to roam

People will judge

But they have endless miles to trudge

Wandering the street

Begging to eat

With no one to show them love

They have lost all hope in the almighty up above

No presents to unwrap

Searching through bins for scraps

No festive cheer

Just a lonely tear

No carol singing

Or bells ringing

No kiss under the mistletoe

Or having fun playing in the snow

Wearing boots with worn out soles

Old tatty clothes full of holes

The bitterly cold, dark nights

Bring such a harsh and chilly bite

Only a cardboard box for a bed

And no comfy pillow to rest their head

No place to stay warm

They pray it does not storm

Feeling forgotten

After hitting rock bottom

Drinking to forget

Painful memories making them fret

Let us help get them off the streets

With a place to stay and a Christmas dinner to eat.

SUPERMARKET HELL

Walking through the automatic doors

Eyes aimed directly at the floor

Avoiding the security guards burning gaze

Shoulders hunched

Shrinking to make myself seem small

Less of a threat

Less noticeable

Maybe this means they will leave me alone

Maybe this means I will make it out alive

I need to get in and out

As quickly as possible

Before I shutdown or meltdown

And I don't want to do either!

Struggling to navigate crowded aisles

Bumping into angry shoppers

Apologising 

As beads of sweat drip down my forehead

Each one increases my anxiety up a notch

Crowded by people

But all alone

The black sheep

The odd one out

Every whisper heard

Penetrates my ear drums

Every laugh

Drills through my skull

The strong smell of an old lady's perfume

Attacks my central nervous system

Like a virus

I'm in sensory overload

Panicked and frightened

Gasping for air

I've forgotten what I came in for

I need to escape!

Or I don't know what will happen

What I might do

I drop my basket

Frantically pushing my way

Through the cattle

In the busy supermarket streets

I see the exit in the distance

Like a desert mirage

But my feet are weighed down by anxiety

A ball and chain 

Wrapped tight around my ankles

Time stands still

But each step is a step closer to freedom

Finally, I make it out alive

Into the open air

I can breathe again once more

I survived my trip to Supermarket Hell!

THE BUMPY ROAD TO SALVATION

Locked up. 

Incarcerated.

Sleeping in the Devil’s motel,

penned inside the gates of hell.

The sun never shines 

on this godforsaken place,

he gets turned away 

as soon as he reaches the prison gates.

Only dark clouds loom

casting a menacing shadow of doom.

Living in a web of despair,

deep within a deadly spider's lair.

Trapped by burning flames,

filled with regret and shame.

My mind slowly starting to crack

as time stands still

constantly trying to break my will.

Praying to God, 

I make it out of here alive,

but he left this place a long time ago, 

there were too many lost souls.

Now the Devil and his crows

are free to work their cunning evil,

hatching plans and ruining lives.

Yard time.

No room for weakness in here,

the wolves would come to feast, I fear.

For this is a jungle full of hungry predators,

ready to pounce 

with razor-sharp teeth and piercing claws.

Lights out.

Deafening screams of tormented men

roam the halls and haunt my dreams.

Drowning in deep water, 

struggling to swim,

gasping for air. 

Is anybody out there?

Gazing through a barred window out to freedom,

I see a shooting star,

glowing in the distance from afar.

A beacon of hope shining bright,

radiating warmth and light.

Clarity hits me with a thud,

turning night into day.

It’s a divine message from up above,

telling me to never give up.