Featured Poet - Elly Lloyd

SOCKS

If only I had the right socks

long ones

that’s what my mother always says

something about pulling up my socks

so it must be because I’m wearing the wrong socks.

Pull up your socks

if it were that easy

I’d rush down to M&S first thing,

to enquire of the first sales assistant

where I might find socks

for the depressed and suicidal

I’m sure they’d catch on

socks on prescription

instead of Prozac

nobody has socks in here…

ABOUT THE POEM: "Socks was written for a young Mum with issues of mental health. Pulling up your socks; you could try harder, make more effort. If only …"

SUSAN’S BLACK DOG

I have a black dog mum

no you don’t

it’s your head playing tricks again

no mum, it’s a metaphor

you’ll understand if you own one

she tries, bless

but that I’ve not dressed

or been to work for a week

doesn’t seem to grasp

my black dog is real

he doesn’t wait to be called

I know he’s male

because he puffs his chest out

and acts all macho.

on a good day

I can call his bluff.

you may know him by another name

depressed, anxious

he sneaks up on the bed

you think he’s asleep,

but one yellow eye in the dark

is watching.

Susan, says mum

he won’t bite

oh but he does

he does

ABOUT THE POEM: "Those of us who struggle with mental health often go unseen, unheard or misunderstood. Stigma around these can still exist. Maybe Susan’s mum doesn’t understand and that makes the loneliness we feel even more painful."

THAT GIRL

That girl

criticised

ostracised

dehumanised

awkward silences

when she entered the room

you know

whispered behind

the backs of hands

name calling

cruel taunts

worse

years later

when asked

her name

she simply wrote

that girl

ABOUT THE POEM: "This poem is about how I feel and so many others feel. We all deserve to be valued, named, to be counted in, not out."

DEPRESSION

It arrived unexpectedly

no bad weather warning

no announcement

today ma’am

you will experience severe turbulences

in your emotions

aircraft crew are struggling

to overcome the problem

and resume normal function

ABOUT THE POEM: "Here I figured that knowing some of our triggers, being prepared with tools and skills that can help to ground us a little."

MY MONSTER IN THE CLOSET

My monster in the closet

isn’t green and hairy

if he sat on the bed

and whispered in your ear.

you wouldn’t necessarily

scream or shake

or look for escape

or reach for the kitchen knife

no

he’s much more familiar

than to take you by surprise

he comes round every day

and night time too

just popping in to say hi

reminding you

(lest you forget)

of his presence

without announcement

or formality

turns up

enters without knocking

never stays away long

where else would he go

he’s so comfortable here

ABOUT THE POEM: "I was reflecting on how our particular monster makes us feel uncomfortably uncomfortable, as his or her presence fills our everyday lives, stealing our personalities. By beginning to write and open up to others, the monster loses its power."

UNRAVELLING

I don’t know where I started

and I don’t know where I end

I’m somewhere in the middle

and I feel I’ve lost the thread.

I sense that I’m unravelling day by day

going through the motions.

I’m sleeping quite a lot, my bed my new best friend

although now it gnaws me with its jagged edges

of disjointed dreams and hideous sweats.

even sleep has become a fearsome place

and no longer s sanctuary.

I see myself as a ball of string travelling at intense speed

across a linoleum floor, unattached.

I tie myself to a chair leg.

it is all I can do as I go spinning out of control,

I hold the radiator, the window frame lest

I disappear out of sight altogether.

and sometimes that is my dark secret,

simply to disappear.

ABOUT THE POEM: "When we are the hosts to mental illness, depression, grief, personality disorders, we can lose control of our emotions and become less and less the person we were. I’m writing this to ask you to stay and to walk with you. You are not alone."

~

NOTE: Above poems taken from Elly's book ‘Socks & Other Poems’, a workbook for mental health and well-being.