Featured Poet - Nadine Dunseith

Featured Poet - Nadine Dunseith

UNCUT DIAMOND


The middle line 

striated, bright, inviting


I swerve into it, gradually

in slow motion 


Headlights glaring, straight

into my line of sight 


Diverts my attention, 

distracted by dark thoughts


I stray further into the lane-

skirting the edge 


As if my mind has no 

place to go 


Madness, jumbled words in my brain 


I close my eyes - the force of my mind 

compels me to imagine 


My death - the end of my

life, where thoughts 

become black like

a diamond before it 

achieves

Brilliance


In that moment, as I 

imagine my death, 

I open my eyes 


I am still alive - passing through 

time, energy, nature, wind 


Beyond the middle line and the 

striations, the small cracks on the road,

the imperfections that prove

how

alive 

you are 


Skirting the edge of

normalcy- 

not liking 

what you see 

but 

accepting 

what you are 


Dark becomes


Light


Black diamond becomes 


Priceless


and the middle line

follows the horizon


To 


Enlightenment.


ABOUT THE POEM: This poem has a trigger warning of suicidal ideation, but also features a hopeful ending of recognizing who you are and accepting all your imperfections.


THE ARTIST 


Blood red and pink streaks across the sky, saturated amid the wisps of a magic carpet ride 

An artist’s palette of sublime beauty, blots and brush strokes that 

touch the sky and 

transcend the 

universe


It’s where I long to be

in the ephemeral 

way that

the seasons come and go 


Ascending and falling like 

the moon waxing and waning, 

the sun rising and setting


If only I could join the stars in the sky

and float on the dreams of my 

past


Instead, I languish on a storm cloud,

the wisps of colour muted and grey,

at least until 

the sun appears 


My thoughts become part of the colours in the sky…

red for energy and desire,

pink for serenity and peace….


And then it changes to drops of blood, raining down 

covering my eyes and blinding me 

to reality-


The clouds open up amid 

fire and hell


I trace the scars and lines of 

the lies I tell myself 


The blood red streaks in the sky 

betray the truth

I’m ready to face 


Not that I would end my life, but

that I don’t know how to stop the pain 

Except by creating more pain 


Physical, mental - it’s all part of a larger

problem I face 


How do I find peace amid the hell fire?


I want the magic carpet ride to carry me into the universe 

where dreams are 

just as beautiful

as the colours of 

the sunrise and sunset 


I hope, 

I desire 

I become the palette of the 

artist, 

mixed with colours of 

transcendence and beauty


I rise 


ABOUT THE POEM: "I really loved writing this poem and once again, it was inspired by sunrises and sunsets. Mostly, I just love staring in awe at the beauty of the universe and when I can do that, I feel less alone."


LOVE IS


There are times I count my blessings-

When the sun rises and I catch a glimpse of the changing colours, so 

rapid that one could miss it

if they blinked 


So I stand - in awe, such as one in love 

with life

The colours glint in the waning twilight, red to pink and deep ochre, orange fire 

of creation-

opaque and 

translucent,

just a hint of dusk


The universe is love unconditional, 

it does not require an answer 

from me

except in its emotive power

to transcend my complex

existence


Perhaps, it is merely its

simplicity that people

seek


No questions asked, just

Veneration


People, after all, desire 

Peace

Love 

Comfort


These are the colours of the sky, to

transform humanity

to something 

greater

than

themselves


In the minutiae of our lives, the

small specks 

that define who we are,

our values, beliefs-

They keep us grounded,

in check 


So that we never forget 

the greatness of the galaxy,

constellations,

stars,

supernovas-

Undefinable moments in 

our lives…


How often do we question the reason why

something happens…


It’s as it should be

and perhaps as we want it to be. 


There are times I count 

my blessings - 

as I embrace the final 

blackness of the sky 


Because even as the sun sets and darkness arrives,

the sun will rise again


ABOUT THE POEM: "This poem was inspired by a walk through the park where I stopped to admire the changing colours of the sunset. Sometimes it helps with my mental health to appreciate these fleeting moments in time."


FIELD OF DREAMS


I shuffle my feet

deliberately, purposefully…


Each step an arduous task to reach

a goal I can’t seem to attain. 


The brilliant sunset is within my grasp,

the tips of my fingers tracing the

horizon line


The edges jagged and worn, peaks and 

valleys of my life 


If only I could stop time, rewind and reimagine 

my life 


Without mistakes 


Isn’t that what we wish for?

Is such idealism realistic? 


30 years ago, I was someone else, less wiser but more impulsive 

More of a risk taker and less inclined to fail as if failure was an atm machine, the withdrawals seemingly more common than the

deposits 

I could write cheques daily and all of them 

would bounce 


But now…. I deposit my values, beliefs, successes into the atm of my life as

Mother, wife, writer, teacher 


I visualize the past and future more than the present. 

It’s the way of the anxious brain… although the label changes daily…


Sometimes depression dominates and no one can tell the external from the internal 

Except for my own lonely self, staring at the brilliant sunset

hoping for something tangible 

to grasp…


I shuffle my feet faster as the suns sinks lower

and the light fades 


It’s fear that overtakes me now, purposeful fear 


I fear the present sometimes because 

it’s not always bright 


I fear the past because it always comes back in my dreams 


I fear the future because I don’t know what’s around the corner 


But maybe this purposeful fear is what I need to create a purposeful vision

of the self I want to be 


Confidence, happiness- are these things attainable? 

If I will it, will they appear… like a field of dreams?


I have to believe in this 

possibility. 


Without this belief, I will continue to shuffle, to grasp…. 

To languish, to sabotage 


I need this belief


To be


ABOUT THE POEM: "This poem is about depression and how, sometimes, one can get stuck on fear, confidence, self-esteem but there is always hope."


VERDURE


The grass is always greener…

I want to believe this to be true,

and that happiness

is not some fleeting 

emotion

That, once attained,

is guaranteed 

Such as love and passion, emotions

that prove you’re still 

Alive 

 

Words that carry the weight of the

world like 

Atlas….

Teetering on the edge of reason and 

Faith 


I want to believe that happiness

is just around the corner 

between 

Hopes and Dreams


That it will come to me at the most

random time 


Maybe before the bright lights come careening towards me, 

waiting for the last 

thought to leave

my brain 


I want to believe, to have faith 

in a higher power

to move into 

a new plane

of existence 


Where control of my actions is not

dictated by some outside force,

not hindered by my own 

self destructive 

behaviour


I want to believe that happiness is 

attainable,

not elusive,

not temporary 


But the darkness that surrounds me

blinds me to the reality

I face


That it’s a struggle 

to dig out of the

valley of my 

nightmares 


Why do I continue to search for

something that eludes me?


This mysterious happiness that’s 

like a puzzle without a key 


How long can I wait?


You see…. Broken people 

can only be fixed if they 

break their chains 


Maybe I can’t be fixed, maybe I’m just 

too damaged 


Or maybe I just haven’t found the key yet 


When I do, I know I will exalt in the glory 

of freedom


Until then, 


I wait for the greener grass.


ABOUT THE POEM: "This poem is also about hope and recovery, but also the difficulty of breaking the chains of trauma."



Part of my writing journey has been to explore the trauma of my childhood and sexual abuse. This poem arose from a writing prompt in which the task was to make a song list or recipe list of something vulnerable or difficult to write about.


Sexual Abuse Survivor Spotify Playlist


Somebody’s Watching Me

Beautiful Girl

Hurt

Good Enough

Til it happens to you

Scars to your beautiful

All comes crashing

Never surrender

Fight song

The Warrior




ABOUT NADINE

Nadineis a writer and teacher from Calgary, Alberta, Canada. She published her first short story in 2001 in the anthology, A Beaver Is Eating My Canoe. She is a weekly poetry contributor to a mental wellness series on the Indie YYC through Facebook. She has been featured in several poetry publications, including Ariel’s Dream, Anthology X, Jumbled Part 2, YYC Portraits of People, and Silk Road Poetry Blog, and recently won a poetry contest in Calgary, Alberta for her poem, Existential. 

FB: @nmdunseith

Instagram:@dunspeare

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