Featured Poet - Xhyzide Shehu

Featured Poet - Xhyzide Shehu (Jeem)

THE CENTER OF MY HEART


I will always write melancholic poetry, just because that’s the situation my soul is right now,

I don’t wanna believe nor imagine to make them a harmony because I know all of them are not meant for you.


I don’t know if I will ever find the happiness I’m looking for,

I’m craving it so much yet this test is so painful.


Sometimes, I feel like I can’t handle,

But sometimes, I feel most powerful.


You are my prayer yet happiness is not all about you,

In the center of my heart, that place is not meant for you.


When I don’t feel okay with myself, tell me how am I suppose to be okay with you?

When I need to learn how to love myself, tell me how can I learn to be in love with you?


When all I need is God in the center of my heart, tell me how can I save that place for you?

When I need to know God first, tell me how am I supposed to know you?


ABOUT THE POEM: "'The Center of My Heart'  this poetry means a lot to me because I wrote it down in a time when I was struggling with myself trying to be a better person, yet I wanted to fall in love but I wasn't ready, I knew my condition would just make the other person feel bad for me, I would feel like I'm being a burden to them. So I wrote my heart down, in literal tears, at midnight while I felt like my own ego is judging myself about love, this poetry helped me realize that I'm not ready yet to take that step."


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MY WEAK HEART


My heart is weak,

My scars are giving me pain,

And the pain is making me bleed.

I wanna be loved,

But I hurt myself and cry till I sleep.


Everyone comes and go,

Temporary people, in your veins they flow,

Cut those people off, u cut ur veins,

How much you’ve been hurted,

How many times u faced blames.


Loving purely is that too much to ask?

U live in a world full of fake statements, 

Nobody is there for you to impress.


I’m not like this, I’m not like that,

U end up believing those words, hence they say forget that,

They wanna be and have what fulfills their ego,

In the end it’a all about their own interest.


One honest answer won’t kill you nor make u depressed,

One time if you care deeply for someone,

For once give them a reason to be valued,

For once love without trying to argue.


ABOUT THE POEM: "'My Weak Heart' - this poetry is about a relative, not only friends or if I can call other people like third people, you don't get hurted only by them as much as you do get hurted by your own people. Maybe a slap in the face would hurt and would pass, but words from your own people hurt more than that slap. They hurt more than a sword. In that condition of tears and blood, I was talking to God in my mind, I kept asking why I can't be loved by those who are meant to love you purely or why would they hurt you so bad while they're meant to be the one who are supposed to take your pain away. Through this poetry, I felt like I was talking to a friend and learned how to never trust even your own relatives, through this poetry I learned that I should stand up for my own self because other people would make you fall."


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THE WAY OF TEARS


I have so many friends to whom I turn for help,

But, sometimes the pain is greater than a word of comfort,

A smile to reflect,

For the depths of the soul healing from it, was absurd.


Amongst the people I always used to show a positive energy with an optimistic perspective,

While I was hiding all the darkness this heart held, a little defective.


When they laughed at my weakness, I had to play the role of a fool as if I didn’t understand them,

Yet, in silence, I noticed everything, didn’t blame them but I was killing myself instead.


Whereas, when the darkness of night gripped me alone,

I cried out loud in silence as if my eyes and heart were bleeding through my tears.


My face is swollen from the countless cries that only my pillow endured,

Years passed, nothing is cured,

My Lord, I still have hopes, I’m tired of getting injured.


ABOUT THE POEM: "'The Way of Tears '- this poetry is a reflection from my past and present, when I was a teenager I was struggling a lot with being valued around my friends, by that I mean real value, real care, a deep care that once a loyal friend would have towards you, but it turned out I always gave never received. Even though years passed, I still have some trauma left because of their words, those satiric words that only in philosophy one can use, but my friends used it in order to keep me around them."


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HELPLESS


I see ur suffering alone, 

I noticed ur pain, 

U are trying so hard to hide it,

U didn't want me to know ur name.

I wanted to comfort u,

Because I know no one is the same,

We live different stories, 

I don't think you're the one to blame.

I am observing, 

Helpless, I feel so lame.


ABOUT THE POEM

Helpless - this is a poetry about people I really cared about, they had a situation that was even worse than mine, I saw them from distance suffering and I was offering them to vent, but they didn't feel like venting 'cuz they felt like it wouldn't help, they felt like they would waste my time even though I told them quite the opposite, yet I saw from distance, I felt sad, I needed to talk to myself through my writing, because I felt so helpless. It helped me realize that even when you feel helpless, just praying for them in distance it's the biggest contribution that you can do when you feel like you're doing nothing.



I LOST MYSELF


I've lost myself long time ago, once I had peace now I got nowhere to go,

It's so hard for me to explain, when there are animals and there is pain.

A ghost time, people with no soul,

A hopeless orphan, with a heart full of love.


Growling in the darkness, saying things like they know, 

The smartest one remains silent, and the idiot stops the snow. 


Someone there crying out loud with no tears shed, 

Someone there living, but wishing more to be dead.

A cruel world, so sad and tyrant 

In front of their eyes they have curtains,

Their hearts are blind, in different versions.


ABOUT THE POEM: "'I Lost Myself '- this poetry is a description of my own self in metaphor towards the situations around me, the way I saw the world and the way people treat other people, gave me so much depression, I felt so sad and felt like it suffocated me, realized how cruel the world is and if I hoped to find happiness in it I would only end up sad. This poetry helped me reflect that I should stop seeking that forever peace and feeling eternal depression, it helped me understand that everything is temporary."


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SOMETIMES


I find myself in silence when tears come to my eyes,

Sometimes that empty feeling completes me.


My throat is in knots and my voice is hoarse,

With no desire to speak, 

No happiness, my heart wants to be alone.


No matter how much I want to take shelter,

Sometimes I want to get lost and find myself again,

I still fall into pain, loneliness is my second name.


Being sad,

Meaningless,

Wet eyes, not being able to see ahead.


Broken butterfly sometimes wants to fly without wings,

Sometimes her wounds take a long time to heal, 

Sometimes she gets mood swings.


That butterfly has a dream, she wants to believe,

She has so much confidence with her broken wings, 

That butterfly, she fights the impossible, 

I want to be that butterfly, I want to be unstoppable.


ABOUT THE POEM: "'Sometimes' - this poetry, will always be me in silence. It's a poetry I wrote in times of despair when I felt so broken, it's always a second person who would hurt you in ways that you will be tired of it anymore and you can't even cry because you feel so numb. It helped me when I wrote it down because through my own thoughts I found light and gave myself hope that maybe I can change this pain, maybe I can heal if I really don't give other people material to talk about me, I humbled myself and I was silent when I felt like screaming. Learned how to control my own feelings."


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ABOUT XHYZIDE

"I'm a new poet from Kosovo and I wanted to contribute, through my poetry by sending people a message; those people who feel like me or felt once, I just want to let them know that they're not alone and I want to know that I'm not alone with my struggles too. Poetry helped me a lot, especially when I felt like hurting myself, I felt a lot of pressure in my head because I was overthinking a lot, I thought once I write down whatever bothers me or whatever my soul, heart and mind feels maybe I will feel relieved. I did! I'm so thankful.

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