Featured Poet - Pandora Pugsley

EACH STEP FORWARD

Each tiny step

A single letter in the journal

A single pat of the dog

A smile for mum

A bath

A drink

A puff 

A breath

A step

A compliment 

A confession

Each step forward 

Has absolute value 

You are moving forwards in time 

Not back 

ABOUT THE POEM: I really like this poem because it’s how I try and teach my mind to get through the day. It’s like a mantra - each step forward, each tiny thing builds something, does something. There is value to all our efforts even if it feels differently. It’s a poem I forget I’ve written and try and write again!

NO JOY

No joy, no joy. No news to tell a friend.

Just in bed, wishing, waiting 

That one day this suffering will end.

No joy, no joy, the sunlight doesn’t reach, 

I can’t make the sounds and make it count - moor the boat to the beach.

No joy, no joy, it’s so hard and filled with dread,

No detachment from the sounds that rattle through my head.

No joy no joy but one day we’ll be relieved,

There’s value to these moments too,

That joy will come is to be believed.

ABOUT THE POEM: I wanted to write a song here, but it turned into a poem. It was just a thought that I’d had all day. The most important line is that I can’t make the sounds, I can’t express myself properly, I’m trying. I think poems like this teach me that there is value in just writing complete gobbledygook for sake of creating something positive. Often I don’t feel like I have anything to say and then I write a poem and I feel better.

ONE DAY

In just one day

Angel

My mind calms herself, like saddling, and breaking in the sea. 

The sea. I wished to go in the sea, to die that way, drowning in sleep. 

Luscious

I remember all the rich memories of childhood 

Dad

Fleetingly

There is ice covering a lake somewhere in Alaska, there are noble, silent mountains, there are stories of success. There is relief. 

There is a dark body of water at this hour. Cold, natural, moonlit. 

There are young animals that live near it. Their minds and bodies are healthy, they are as nature intended. They mean no harm to this scene in the hospital bed, they mean only health and innocence. 

ABOUT THE POEM: This is the poem I’m most proud of in some ways, it’s my first ‘proper’ poem. Often I get poetic images in my mind but I struggle to express the fullness of what I’m seeing. This image of a body of water is recurrent and I feel very proud that I could put it in a poem. 

UNKIND

Why do you have to be so unkind? 

Such an oaf and a thorn in my side

Why do you have to siphon my joy 

Cost me valuable years of my life

One day I’ll die 

And I’ll be damned to say

I had to set time aside, to hear you act that way.

You have no right to abuse this life

It’s not my fault you’re misery

Dare you make your grimy, calculated assault against a distinct life, it’s own harmless history 

Im not going to waste my time with you

Would that I could see this shit clearly

I was once born, God is my true witness

And this life speaks to me dearly

So take your bile and your lack of insight

Pack up your delight in my pain

Recognise what you count as victory, qualifies you to do it again.

Because life does not excuse your mean spirit

Though you may succeed at hurt

Your endeavours amount to nothing 

And your opinion, dirt. 

ABOUT THE POEM: Unkind people wreak havoc on my mental health, I get triggered so easily. I wrote this poem to empower me in the face of unkindness, and to remind me to discount unkind opinions. I feel I need to write a lot on by this subject. The struggles I was going through are about my ability to stand up for myself.