ADDICTION

you were always there

you still are, but I’m not

lurking, luring me with a smile

come to me, no one need know

your dark, secret voice whispers

I cover my ears

my habits are 

acceptable now

to society, to myself

when I’m strong

I don’t need you anymore

but I need something

ABOUT THE POEM: I treated people with various substance use disorders for many years. Overcoming them is a constant struggle, which I’ve portrayed here.

PEACE

the silence that sharpens and shapes the notes

cruising through waves, like fish schooling

a sprouting bamboo tip stretching to a summer sun

flows unfolding, unnoticed, uncaring

suspension of thought, awareness of being

anemones wave and with their gestures, counsel patience

how do I convey what you may never have felt?

a thrill of pleasure ruffles the fear inside like a breeze

sensation of a bird as it is released

freedom from the tyranny of the unconscious

ABOUT THE POEM: This is a poem about my personal struggle to calm my often-busy mind and work through unconscious memories as they become conscious, to achieve peace. Observation of nature often calms me.

THE (HARBOR) VIEW

On the edge of the abyss

I stand, watching, waiting

tortured souls hurtle past

minds blanked out, bodies fragmenting

on jagged, unyielding stones below

I offer my hand to you

as you pause and stare down, deciding

there is no middle ground here

either take my hand

and we walk backwards, to hope, away from devastation

or resist me, and you’ll be off to become Cereberus’ dinner!

ABOUT THE POEM: This piece was written when I worked as a psychiatrist at Harborview Hospital, Seattle. Harborview Hospital is a County hospital and a teaching hospital at the University of Washington. I evaluated and treated many patients with severe suicidal ideation, and this poem is about their choice to accept help, or complete suicide.

FACE OF A SOLDIER

the face of a soldier

lined, tense, mirthless and watchful

eyes guarded, darting, pupils wide

searching for the next threat

to eliminate

my job is simple

restore peace to a war-torn spirit

help her rediscover joy

hour by hour, week by week

I watch the tension ease

forging an alliance with persuasion

earning her hard-won trust

using all my knowledge

sharing my conviction

that combat

need not follow her home

that femininity

need not hinder honor

that joy need not 

betray loss

that peace requires

as much courage

as war

ABOUT THE POEM: I treated hundreds of veterans with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Mistrust of civilians, and showing vulnerability were always issues with them in therapy, both males and females. Often they feel guilty about healing at all, due to survivor guilt.

SILENCE

my weapon, my prison

the force of a vacuum

chaos of thoughts and words

churns inside

as the clamor intensifies, silence expands

with each silent breath

and each tortured thought ...

‘til finally I escape, or drown-engulfed by the word

ABOUT THE POEM: Patients often begin therapy with silence. Sometimes a therapist has to sit many sessions before the patient trusts the therapist enough to begin to unveil her/his struggles. This poem explains one reason why patients are silent-too much going on, rather than too little.

REMEMBERING

Diana—

chasing elusive stags of memory

Diana was pitiless

derived her pleasure from the kill

so, with me

mingled chase-lust

with a split second of remorse

pity has no place

as one pair of horns sound

the stag staggers

falls and quivers, then lies still

ready for gutting

ABOUT THE POEM: 'Remembering' refers to those who suffer from repressed memories. It describes an aggressive approach to recovering them by analogy to the goddess Diana.